6/20/2023 0 Comments Pockets of JoyName: Andre Harte
Organization: N/A Contact information: [email protected] A pocket of joy is something that resonates in the core of your soul. It’s like an atom in the molecule of a passion. It puts the wind in your sails. A pocket of joy could be a place, a piece of art, a hobby, a show, a subject, or a fictional world. Pockets of joy are essential, and they allow us to feel our deepest emotions, but they vary wildly from person to person. My pockets of joy might not resonate with you at all—in fact, you might hate them! For instance, imagine I excitedly show you my favorite song, and you think it sounds horrible. Then, with a jubilant expression, I ask, “Isn’t this song awesome? What do you think?” Immediately, you face internal conflict. If you tell me the truth, it may hurt my feelings. But, if you lie, I may continue to share music of the same kind, and you would need to keep up a façade. It’s a tricky situation. However, we can be honest without being hurtful. Dr. Jonice Webb has written about this conundrum in a Psychology Today article entitled “The Harsh Truth About Brutal Honesty” in which she juxtaposes “brutal honesty” with “truth with compassion.” Brutal honesty is completely unfiltered, with no regard for other people’s emotional states. Rather than continuing a conversation, brutal honesty shuts it down. In my favorite song example, the brutally honest reply would be, “No, this song is not awesome! I really don’t like it at all.” Naturally, this would make me feel embarrassed for liking the song. I may shut down or get defensive, and I would hesitate to share any of my other pockets of joy with you in the future. A compassionate and truthful response, on the other hand, involves intentional consideration. First, by thinking about what exactly you want to express, you can ensure that your message is clear. Then, by reflecting on the sensitivities of the person you’re talking to, you can avoid unnecessarily hurting them. Finally, by picking the appropriate time and place to express your honest thoughts, you can set yourself up for a productive conversation rather than an adversarial one. Going back to my favorite song example, you might say, “Yeah! It’s not the kind of thing I usually listen to, honestly. I’m not a huge fan of this genre. But this song is so full of energy. Can you tell me what you love about it?” Instead of pushing me away, this response pulls me in, allowing me to share why my pocket of joy resonates with me. Maybe it’s my dad’s favorite song, or maybe it reminds me of a certain meaningful time in my life. Since you haven’t shared those experiences, you may not feel the same way about the song, but your compassionate response allowed me to continue sharing in a way that helps you understand more about my perspective. You should always seek to experience your friends’ pockets of joy through their eyes, not your own. Sharing a pocket of joy is a vulnerable act that takes courage and trust. Thus, receiving a pocket of joy requires empathy. To respond inconsiderately can cause serious emotional harm. In today’s world, we sometimes forget that having a thought or criticism does not entail that it needs to be shared. We hear so much about how people are “so sensitive these days” that it might confuse you into thinking insensitivity or tactlessness is a virtue. It is not. And yeah, some people are sensitive! Wishing that they didn’t exist won’t stop them from feeling the things they feel. The only thing that you can control is how you respond to them—with either bluntness or compassion. So, if you're on the receiving end of someone's passion—if someone is excited about a new album or show or anything at all—be happy for them! Be happy with them, even if it's not something that matches your taste. Listen before you speak. Unsolicited judgment can take the wind out of anyone's sails, and we could all use a little more wind in our sails these days. Keep finding your pockets of joy and resting in them, friends.
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