6/20/2023 0 Comments Swallowing MicroaggressionsSwallowing Microaggressions by;
Helene Arbouet Harte, Ed.D. A term coined by Derald Wing Sue, “microaggressions are the everyday slights, indignities, put-downs and insults that members of marginalized groups experience in their day-to-day interactions with individuals who are often unaware that they have engaged in an offensive or demeaning way (Yoon, 2020).” While reading the novel We Are Not Like Them by Christine Pride and Jo Piazza, I was struck by a reference to microaggressions. A Black woman who is one of the main protagonists in the book is at a formal event where she is a guest. A white man tries to hand her his coat as if she works there. He apologizes, he did not mean it he explains, it's her outfit (black pants and a black top). Later when asked if she had any issues at the door her response is, " 'None at all,' I lie, swallowing the microaggression, as I've done a thousand times" (p. 148). I knew exactly what that meant and how that felt. Both the experiencing and swallowing of microaggressions is a regular occurrence. Sometimes I know I need to read THAT book or watch THAT documentary or television show or movie, whatever the latest one everyone is talking about that is critically acclaimed and deals with issues of race. Sometimes I can't bring myself to do it because reality has so many microaggressions, roadblocks, memories and barriers. I don't always have the capacity for them in my free time, when I want to escape from reality, but you can never really escape reality can you? Swallowing microaggressions is like politely finishing a bite of something you don't like because spitting it out would be rude or it isn't the right time and place. "I have more in common with Black people than I do with white people," she said at the back of the auditorium. She spoke while the keynote speaker was talking, and I wanted to hear the keynote. The comment caught me off guard. What followed was a justification that I didn't care to hear. I want to listen to the keynote. It's not the right time and place. If I could go back, I would say, “that's a really inappropriate comment.” It happened so quickly. This same coworker has made similar comments or jokes and I never said anything before. She didn't mean it that way. I excuse her every time. She grew up in a different time. She is a good person. If I didn't say anything the last few times, is it too late? Will she ever get it? Is it even worth it? Why does it have to be my job to educate her? Is that my responsibility? What about intent vs. impact? Does her intent matter more than the cumulative impact on me? We were both in a virtual training about improving student outcomes. It was one week after the murder of George Floyd. In a zoom breakout room, where I was the only person of color, she singled me out asking, "What can White people do?" I was visibly surprised. I was shaken and struggling even before the question. I am forever grateful to the colleague who jumped in and said he would share the Google Doc with the readings, films and actions going around social media. Leveraging his privilege and acting as an ally he acted before I crumbled. Later I thought, did she really just ask me that? Being the "only" in a setting comes with its own issues. Being singled out to address all things race related is sometimes one of them. The lack of awareness of my emotional state aside, it felt isolating while also minimizing the issues. It felt like asking me to solve systemic inequity and racism in passing. It felt like it would only take a little bit of work to find some resources without putting me on the spot. It seemed like her intent in asking was to show she wanted to be helpful, but the impact was that it erased any feelings of belonging. It centered her and othered me. It's hard to explain and that's the nature of microaggressions. “I don't think anyone here is biased,” she said in a meeting, and I thought to myself, "Actually we ALL have implicit bias, why do you think you are exempt?" I recognize that I have privileges and implicit biases I need to both actively and intentionally work to fight against. I did not say anything. The moment passed by so quickly and it was gone. It seems that often happens and the “microaggression moment” goes by so quickly until the next one. I put politeness and other people's comfort before mine. I nod and I smile. I sit in my car and wonder if it's just me being oversensitive or if that was really inappropriate. I avoid interacting. Since then, ... in between the microaggressions ... there have been trainings attended on DEI (Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion), but it hasn't changed the behavior. There are insensitive comments that are perhaps intended to be jokes or sometimes to demonstrate how you "get it." Sometimes the comment is followed by a disclaimer, "You know what I mean." Or "I don't mean it like that." I feel guilty, as if it is my fault. I walk away owning the shame and blame. I think of what I could have or should have said, like when you think of a witty comeback 15 minutes too late. Suggested responses to microaggressions include asking for clarification and sharing an example of how you have changed your thinking or language. Another strategy is responding in a way that won’t make people defensive, differentiating between their intent and the impact (Goodman, 2011). Balancing those strategies with self-care is also important. It can also be difficult when it occurs with no one else around (Yoon, 2020). It is an ongoing struggle. It is as if I am a guest at a fancy banquet. I am still wondering which fork to use. I remember from some movie I saw to work from the outside in. I make the lower-case letters b and d with my hands to know which is my bread plate and which is my drink. I am preoccupied, and when I taste the meal, it is off. I cannot spit it into the fancy cloth napkin, so I swallow it. These moments are adding up, and I am full, and tired and a bit nauseous. I cannot swallow any more microaggressions. Reference Goodman, D. (2011). Responding to microaggressions and bias. Diane Goodman Consulting. Retrieved May 2, 2023 from: https://dianegoodman.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/Responding-to-Microaggressions-and-Bias-Goodman332.pdf Pride, C. & Piazza, J. (2021). We Are Not Like Them. Simon & Schuster. Yoon H. (2020, March 3). How to Respond to Microaggressions. The New York Times. https://www.nytimes.com/2020/03/03/smarter-living/how-to-respond-to-microaggressions.html Helene Arbouet Harte earned her doctoral degree in Special Education and master’s degree in Early Childhood Education from The University of Cincinnati. She has worked in the community as a classroom teacher, center director, coach, content expert and consultant. Her research interests include family engagement, engagement of young children in inclusive settings, the engagement of students in the college classroom, and equity in early childhood education.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
The Freedom Bloggers Collective Space produces quarterly editions that include variety of prose, essays, stories, visual art and narratives from Black and Brown Creators, who hope to keep their stories alive by Sharing them, If you would like your art published in this format, please email: [email protected].
|