12/21/2022 0 Comments Who Are You; Building Your IdentityOne day I found myself sitting across my kitchen table from a friend of mine. In her office, awards for achievements covered her wall. The signature line in her email displayed the letters of degrees behind her name, and she could legitimately boast of her ability to accomplish more in the first four hours of her day than most people can achieve in an entire day. At work she has EARNED that leadership position so many others coveted. Yet this particular morning, she sat across from me in tears, unable to even lift the cup of coffee that I had offered her. It is because the position, the title and the platform upon which she had based her identity has recently crumbled around her. The accolades she used to define her value have now turned into unwarranted criticism; and as she clutches this failed moment in time, with a white knuckled grip, we are forced to grapple with the questions… “What do you do when life isn’t suppose to look like this?” “What do you do when everything you thought you knew gets shaken?” I haven’t shared her name because who she is is not as relevant as the pervasiveness of her story. You may see some pieces of your story wrapped up in the “bio” of her introduction. I know that I have sat in the seat she is sitting in and the thoughts of those tears stain my memory of feeling like I was just “not enough”. I have met so many women behind the curtain of their achievements to discover a fellow sister just struggling to believe that “she is enough” and “she has enough” to stand in the shoes of her own destiny. Her identity has gotten so tangled in the cords of life’s “doing” instead of “being”. She, like many of us, has confused who she is with what she does and has traded her purpose and identity for a “platform of performance”. So when that platform is shaken, her identify, her nice neat plans and vision of how things should look gets toppled right along with it. The dictionary defines “identity” as “who someone is, the qualities or beliefs that make a particular person or group different from others”. What makes you distinctly unique? Not the to do list, tasks, or accolades you have achieved; but the unique essence of “you” that shifts the atmosphere every time you enter the room. So often, I have held the hand of a fellow woman who has lost sight of the distinctions of this truth, that you are not what you do. Getting clear about this truth is at the core of leading your life on purpose. Finding the strength, fortitude and boldness to look each day in the face on purpose requires women to not only lead in their position but lead in their lives with the intention of transformation. Transformational leadership shifts your mindset from “doing” to “being” and takes you on a journey to discover purpose, passion, priorities, and promise. With clarity about each of these under our feet, when the platform is shaky or life isn’t looking like what we thought, our identity must be rooted in something deeper than circumstance, and that requires removing your mask and getting clear. GET CLEAR about who you are. In your quiet time, ask yourself “Who am I?” And then wait for the answer to rise to the surface. Tasks, activities or descriptions from other people may float up first. Toss those out and wait for the thoughts that bring a smile to your face. Start writing them down. The words that inspire you, motivate you when you think of them, and may make you uncomfortable when you say them back to yourself in the mirror, because they are a truth that you seldom hear but are desperate to believe are true. GET RID OF THE LIES that others have told you about who they think you are. I was having a conversation with a women struggling to land the position that would finally allow her to fully provide for her family. As I asked her what she loved to do, she gave me a few descriptors but then quickly followed them with the statement, “But I am a slow learner and it takes me a while to get things right.” In that moment she revealed the true barrier to her success… her mindset. I asked her, “Who told you that lie and when did you decide to begin to believe it?” She paused shocked that I would ask such a question, because I had only known her for minutes; but then she cast her gaze to the floor when she realized she had no idea when but she knew her entire life that was the statement she carried about herself. “What if who we SAID we want TO BE is who we BELIEVED we are on the INSIDE?” Write down each lie that you have told yourself and write a parallel truth statement about who you know you actually are. And say them to yourself in the mirror every morning. Build mental muscle memory for consistency. GET FREE of unwanted baggage that comes from unforgiveness for others, for situations and for yourself. Recognize that a runner, on race day, cannot reach the finish line with the level of desired success with all the weight from her training vest still strapped on her. My youngest daughter is an athlete, and I tried on her training weight vest one day. In researching the benefits of wearing a weighted vest to train, I discovered that wearing a weighted vest during training seasons increases strength and endurance during race day. The more weight used, the more the muscles have to adapt which builds strength and muscular endurance. Research studies have shown that individuals who train with a weighted vest, run farther, longer, and faster than their counter parts on race day. So... although the weight during the training season is uncomfortable, places pressure on the runner, and makes the training period grueling... On race day, the purpose for the weight becomes clear. On race day... the runner can physically, emotionally, and mentally feel the purpose of the previous weighted trial, when there is a strength and endurance that pushes her past everything in her path with a newly developed lung capacity that allows her to run longer, faster, and higher. Are there trials, pressures, burdens that you feel the weight of? Recognize that training has a purpose, it is for a season. Where you are today, past hurts, struggles and pain included, is no accident. Everything in the training season has shaped and prepared you for "Race Day". When the weight has been lifted and your strength, endurance, stamina, and speed are fully revealed and you are at the finish line in the place you were destined to be, Run. Soar. And Be Free. Living bold in who you are will drive the abundance and purpose of what you do. And will create a sustained legacy that lasts longer than the temporary platform of circumstances that come to shake you up. Live Bold, Abundant and on Purpose. Dr. Veidre Jackson CEO/Founder Living Strong Consulting, LLC m:610-506-7056 a:P.O.Box 497, Douglassville, PA 19518 w:livingstrongLLC.com e: [email protected]
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
The Freedom Bloggers Collective Space produces quarterly editions that include variety of prose, essays, stories, visual art and narratives from Black and Brown Creators, who hope to keep their stories alive by Sharing them, If you would like your art published in this format, please email: [email protected].
|